St. Mina and St. Abanoub Coptic Orthodox Church

Types of Unjustifiable Anger

1. Wrath: defined as the outburst which leads to hurting the others with words or actions. Wrath is listed among many other sins that are outside the scope of imagination: "Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies" (Galatians 5:19,20).
   An example of this type of anger is the Jews' against Christ because he had reminded them of God's undiscriminating love for all mankind, "So all those in the synagogue, when they heard these things, were filled with wrath, and rose up and thrust Him out of the city; and they led Him to the brow of the hill on which their city was built, that they might throw Him down over the cliff. Then passing through the midst of them, He went His way" (Luke 4:28-30)
2. Bitterness, irritation or boiling: this type of anger usually leads to psychological and psychosomatic disturbances such as depression, high blood pressure, diabetes, stomach ulcers. St. Paul provides healing and remedy from these physical and psychological ailments: "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice" (Ephesians 4:31).
   

Unmanaged Anger Leads to Several Sins

• "An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression" (Proverbs 29:22).
• "For as the churning of milk produces butter, and wringing the nose produces blood, so the forcing of wrath produces strife" (Proverbs 30:33).

How to Deal with Anger

1. Confess your sins before God, before yourself (i.e. take responsibility for your anger, do not blame it on others), and before your confessor father.
2. Know the reason behind your anger. Is it the result of feeling oppressed; or are you just being inflexible and wanting to control people? Are you allowing life stresses to overtake you with impatience and despair? What do you think of the solution St. Paul offered after the hot argument between him and Barnabas concerning St. Mark "Then after some days Paul said to Barnabas, Let us now go back and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they are doing.' Now Barnabas was determined to take with them John called Mark. But Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed from them in Pamphylia, and had not gone with them to the work. Then the contention became so sharp that they parted from one another. And so Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus; but Paul chose Silas and departed, being commended by the brethren to the grace of God. And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches" (Acts 15:36-41)!
3. Train yourself to slow down your angry reactions "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (James 1:19). Do so by drawing the sign of the Cross on your self, praying a short prayer, remembering how Christ tolerated patiently all guile, pray for the person who is aggravating your feelings. Slowing your anger is like applying your car brakes to stop your car whenever there is a danger. You need to have good brakes and good timing. In the same way, to stop your anger from hurting others you need to have good methods to slow your anger and also good timing. Do not wait till it is too late to slow down your anger.
4. Remind yourself that angry reactions might induce irrational thinking, will not solve problems; rather might aggravate situations and complicate problems. Do not take any decision while you are upset or angry. Instead think in a logical realistic manner. Also angry reactions are not reactions to others' behavior but they are reactions to your own interpretation of others' behavior. The fact that different people respond differently to the same behavior proves that our anger is a reflection of our speculations. Do not stick to one single interpretation that will upset you. If you think rationally, you will find there are many other true explanations for the same action that bothers you.
5. Face the problem courageously with a prayerful spirit, accept it, deal with it, and think of alternatives repeating with David, "I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; my heart also instructs me in the night seasons" (Psalms 16:7).
6. Change the place where the strife has initiated. Such a step would help calm feelings down and assist in restoring logical and rational thinking needed to deal with the situation.
7. Tell yourself who you are in Christ: a new creation. Anger is not among the characteristics of a newly born who has received newness of life through Baptism. "But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new [man] who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him" (Colossians 3:8,9). Remind yourself of who dwells in you after having received baptism. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires" (Galatians 5:22-24).
8. Teach yourself how to deal with anger. You need to acquire three virtues: forgiveness, kindness, and tenderheartedness. "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:31,32).
9. Take good care of your body (by giving it enough sleep, healthy food, and exercise); your soul (by having godly entertainment, relaxing and laughing) and spirit (through spiritual exercises, repentance over sins, confession, support system, and spiritual friendship).
10. Communicate correctly with your feelings and with the other people's feelings. Usually people express their negative feelings through one of four ways:
• Expressiveness which is the capability of clearly and respectfully expressing feelings without appealing to insults or derision. Expressiveness is highly recommended as a tool for getting rid of negative feelings.
• Repressiveness which is the act of controlling strong emotions and desires and not allowing them to be expressed so that they no longer seem to exist. Repression can cause depression, and many other psychological and subsequent health problems. Also repression can be turned around and utilized in a negative manner by ignoring the others, demeaning them and their behavior and the like.
• Controlling one's feelings which will lead to control of external emotions, facial expressions and hand movement. This is especially effective in the case of people who are less logical and unrealistic.
• Exploding which leads to abusing others verbally, physically, emotionally and socially.